


Word-Collection

by Infek



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:04:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3300344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infek/pseuds/Infek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of stories, centered around Neji. Various pairings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. /Infek

Those Sharingan-eyes, famous and coveted like priceless jewels, seeing them widen incredulously, in betrayal, in hurt. They had become a constant in his thoughts, not even in sleep finding a reprieve.

Neji closed his eyes, his head slinking down in the guilt that had become his constant, miserable companion. Everything related to him had become constant, relentless. With a trembling hand, he pushed his hair out of his face, his nose breathing in the thick scent of rain. As if the gods shared his grief.

No one grieved a mass-murderer though and his foolish thoughts were unbidden. Neji knew quite well, however, that there was much more to Itachi than the label the world had given him at a mere thirteen years of age. After all, he had allowed him into his room, his bed, in him. Most importantly, in his heart which easily explained why it hurt so much. The feel of his clandestine lover’s blood gushing out of his abdomen, spilling over his hands was impossible to forget. Just like those eyes. Those eyes, those eyes that followed him, that watched him sleep. 

His breathing had become hurried, his nails leaving half-moon crescents on his calves as he huddled deeper in the blanket.

Three months on leave after a failed psych-evaluation. How could he have been so stupid? How could they have been so stupid to leave him alone with his thoughts for days and days. He, now more than ever, needed the fear of death at the sight of a dangerous opponent, to feel blood rush until it numbed his hearing, to inch closer to that threshold. It was the only thing that made him feel alive.

The ghosts of his past were winning. He could only imagine his father’s horror if he were to know how his own blood screamed like a whore for the most dangerous criminal to have come out of his beloved village in years. He knew quite clearly how he had betrayed Itachi. His lover hadn’t bothered to veil his emotions for this one time in his life. Perhaps at the very real possibility of death, everyone lost their facade. Neji hoped it wouldn’t be the same with him, however. It would all have been for nought and his friends, his family that he still strived to prove worthy to, they would all denounce him as a traitor. He would be ruined. It couldn’t be that he had killed the only person he had ever loved in vain. Honour before everything.


	2. Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. /Infek

_Yup, going to hell._ Kakashi was surprisingly sober in his thoughts, his actions less so as he passionately thrust into his partner, again and again. That searing heat clutching his dick, burning like a furnace but he kept going back for more, his thirst unrelenting.

His lover screamed as he hit the right spot, after having been denied orgasm for so long, pouting as he accused Kakashi of being cruel, teetering on the brink of insanity. Slim, pale hips, a flexing abdomen that was so slender, it was an amazing feat how he managed to hide his strength so well. Those hands that could kill so easily, deceptively soft and elegant trailed down his back, lower still and settling on his hips. Kakashi was drowning in him.

“Oh god, Kashi, let me come,” he groaned. By all rights, he should have hated the abbreviation of his name, even his own father not getting away with it. But said in that tilting voice, wavering in pleasure and desire, he couldn’t for the life of him remember just why he was supposed to hate it.

“You want me to come inside you? You want me to fill you up?” he hissed, baring his teeth, his mask long since thrown aside in favour of having lips meshing with his own. His lover sobbed as he shoved his cock in, aiming for his sweet spot. Always so proud, so haughty, but Kakashi was a quick learner and had easily divested his lover of his walls that surrounded his heart, forcing him to reveal all that was him. Forcing him to accept that this was real, the love they had. Finally, after an eternity of silence where the only thing that was heard in the bedroom was their heavy breathing, his lover spoke up.

“I need you inside me, I want you to come inside me.” A shudder raced down Kakashi’s spine, settling in the pit of his abdomen as an excessive heat warmed there, his balls tightening treacherously. In a quick decision, he rolled them around the sweat-soaked sheets, his lover gasping as that thick cock sank inside him even deeper, moaning appreciatively as he tentatively moved his hips.

“Make me come. Ride me,” Kakashi ordered, uncovering his Sharingan-eye. This, he wanted to always be able to relive this. And his lover delivered, riding him, his head thrown back as his hands settled on his abdomen. Kakashi recorded it all, bending his knees so he could snap his hips up, just as the other was coming down.

“Mm, so close. You feel so fucking good. I missed you,” he moaned, wanting his love to know just how good it felt, how much he appreciated what they had. He saw those beautiful eyes, orbs like moonstones staring at his own, that delectable mouth curled into a sated smile. That terrible mark on his forehead, even in the dark of night gaining too much attention. But Neji trusted him enough to show him the hated mark.

Soon, twin cries of completion echoed around the room, Neji lying down on his lover’s chest, trembling at the feel of Kakashi’s cock wilting inside of him, cum slowly pouring out.

“I love you,” Kakashi whispered, pressing a kiss on his forehead. Neji tiredly lifted his head, kissing him on the mouth.

“I love you too.” In habit, they cleaned up, settling down for sleep.

“Mm, I have to leave at five. Otherwise Hiashi-sama will know I was gone,” Neji mumbled sleepily, his eyes already closed. Kakashi didn’t reply, only his jaws momentarily tightening.

[-]

He knew he was going about it all wrong. But eighteen months, eighteen months where he had let Neji dictate when they would meet, their encounters usually cut short because he had to leave to make sure his uncle wouldn’t suspect anything. Kakashi was being covered up, like something to be ashamed of. Neji loved him, otherwise this wouldn’t have gone on  for so long, but goddamnit, his patience was wearing thin. Screaming in his lover’s face had apparently been the natural solution. He doubted it really was a solution.

“It’s not that easy, alright? Do you think I like hiding this, do you think it’s easy for me to see you in the village and having to pretend I barely know you!? But my family will never accept this!”

“So you’re going to do as told, marry who they want you to and birth out children so they can carry the same burden you had to? Do you have any idea how fucking selfish that is?” Kakashi screamed back. “Do you think your wife will be happy, your kids? Do you think I will be okay with us becoming an affair? I want us to be together, I want you to live with me and you just want to throw all that away.”

Neji turned his head away, furiously wiping away tears. “They can kill me, Kakashi. Is it that wrong that I don’t want to die?” A thick silence filled the kitchen, Kakashi quieting at the sadly true words. Walking over to him, he grabbed his hand.

“I love you. But I want more than this. I’m selfish and I want you all for myself.” Neji nodded, pulling away and walking out, leaving behind what made him happy. And Kakashi slumped down on the ground, leaning his head back against the wall.

“Fuck!”

[-]

Three months where had seen hide nor hair from his ex. Kakashi’s mood had soured so much even Tsunade had commented on it, but he had only shrugged, not bothering with a reply. Of course no one knew the real reason, but Kakashi was angry at himself for moping like a heartbroken puppy. At his age, with his experience, a feeble thing like love shouldn’t affect him so. But that nineteen-year old Hyūga had wormed his way under his skin and now, seemed to be permanently lodged there.

“Well, what a surprise to see you having a hissy-fit again. C’me on, we’re going to get you hammered. That will cheer you right up.” Asuma put a heavy arm over his friend’s shoulders, already steering him to their favourite hangout. “The others are already there, so you can finally drop the enigmatic act and tell us what the hell is going on with ya.” Kakashi rolled his eyes, although slightly amused. At least he had his friends to fall back on. He just hoped Neji was doing alright, not too proud to reach out to his friends. Because whether he wanted to see it or not, all of the Konoha Twelve considered him as such.

 

“I’m telling you, she was filthy as all hell. The things she said, jesus, even I was shocked,” Genma laughed loudly at his latest sexual conquest. All the men at the table downed their glasses, promptly ordering refills. The mood was boisterous and unnecessarily loud, as it always was when they got together and for the first time in months, Kakashi’s spirits were lifted. Until his eyes fell on the opening door, none other than Neji walking in. Even in his drunken state, he noted the lack of his traditional robes, his ex opting instead for snug jeans and a comfy sweater. Kakashi bemoaned just how fucking good he looked. Why were the gods so goddamn cruel to him? And why the fuck was he walking straight to their table?

“Good evening.” All the Jōnin nodded back, no one expecting a Hyūga of all people to walk in. “Kakashi-sensei, does the offer still stand? Do you still want me to live with you?” Neji’s eyes hesitantly searched his lover, clearly uncomfortable with doing this in public. But Shikamaru had assured him that he needed to make a big gesture so here he was. If he found out the smartass was playing him, he would reach number one on his dead-list in a second... His words, however, caused quite the riot. Everyone at the table burst out, some shouting, some hurriedly talking to Kakashi to see if this was some joke. But Kakashi only stared back, finally leaning forward.

“Did you tell your family?”

Neji nodded. “I don’t think they’re my family any longer, but yes, I told them.”

“What do you mean?”

“They disowned me. So I repeat, does the offer still stand?” Kakashi briefly closed his eyes at the news. Even if Neji never showed it much, he knew he had come to love his uncle and his two cousins and was probably heartbroken about losing them, about no longer being able to say he was a member of one of the most powerful clans in the world. Kakashi got up, walking over to him.

“You’re such a fool if you think I’m letting you go after everything you just went through.” Resting his forehead on his lover’s, he smiled under his mask. “Welcome to the Hatake-clan, Nej.” Pulling his mask down, he kissed him, in public for the very first time, in front of all his shocked friends. Tomorrow the news would be all over Konoha, he would get a firm scolding from his friends for not telling them but he didn’t care. The mere touch of Neji was electric and he had missed it greatly. Looping his arms around his waist, he pulled him closer.

“Tell Tsunade-hime Neji and I are taking a week off. And don’t even think about coming to my apartment.” With that, he used a Jutsu to take them to what was now their home.

“Okay, am I really that drunk or did that just really happen?” Genma finally asked.

 


	3. Nail Polish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. /Infek

“I am not putting that on,” Neji protested, although his utterly calm voice would disagree. His stormy white eyes, however, left little room for argument. “It is ridiculous, unsanitary and I frankly do not understand why you all just willingly go along with it. Look at Kisame-san. He looks a fool.”

The blue man that had been lazily lounging on the chair shot up in protest. The gills and the blue skin had been torture enough, but did it really make him such a fool?

“Keep your bitch in check, Itachi. I’m not gonna ask again.”

“You’re dead, Shark-boy,” Neji snarled, although any of his tempestuous behaviour seeping out was meaningless as Itachi tugged him back in his chair, forcing him to placate.

“Kisame, leave,” Itachi said softly, his eyes never straying from Neji’s profile, allowing himself to drown in his very rare beauty. The soft slope of his nose, his eyes, his stunning and coveted eyes which were his ticket in this group of vagabonds which had been given a purpose for a new world order. He hadn’t known selfishness until he felt himself drown in those eyes. Ironic, since usually it was quite the opposite, but that pertained enemies. Not what he and Neji were, or rather, had become. They had certainly started as enemies, both on opposite sides of a fracturing peace which was uncovering the river of blood on which it stood. The sacrifices and the useless deaths of so many shinobi but even that was not enough to stop the continuous fighting. To the outside world, Neji was just another pawn, another sacrifice in this war. To the outside world, Neji was dead.

The heat from his body nearly singing his hand told him otherwise. With a little added pressure, he had furious eyes looking straight into his, not at all flinching away from their infamous powers. The whole world knew, and yet Neji didn’t. Neji was his very own creation, reborn out of selfishness.

Akatsuki had been quite shocked to see him come in to their lair, holding a nin, his forehead proudly displaying his allegiance to the Village of the Leaf. The more talkative ones of the group had barraged him with questions, yet Itachi had chosen to answer none, locking himself up with the shinobi in his private room and not coming out for a full five days. Then he had reappeared, the door opening and everyone – some with great haste, others a bit more paced- had curious eyes peering at the wooden frame. There stood the same shinobi who had been brought in on the brink of death, the telltale Hyūga-eyes coldly staring back from under the slashed hitai-ate.

“No one touches him,” Itachi had only said, making his way to the outside, the moist air from the caves becoming too oppressive after days of not seeing a single ray of sunlight and focusing all his energy on creating something he could call his own. Neji followed without question.

“I am not painting my nails! It is a ridiculous custom.” Itachi’s mouth corners upturned slightly at the defiance. He had modified him well enough to forget about his allegiance of the past and had spun him a story based in truth, but slightly altered. He hated Konohagakure now. Who wouldn’t hate the same institution that was responsible for your much-beloved father’s death? But Neji’s temper had not been wiped out in the slightest, he and Deidara more often than not coming to blows when in the same room for any length of time. Neji fought the derogatory terms they used, he fought them with tooth and nail even if they were true. Itachi controlled his everything.

Itachi knew that his resistance was born from his pride, since after all, the Hyūga-clan were nothing without their pride. It thrilled and excited him more than he could have anticipated to see his very own Neji battling with the one from his past, often staring at his sleeping form, contemplating when the cracks would become wider, when Neji would realise that he was being used and owned like a slave, both mind and body. Itachi knew Neji wouldn’t hesitate to kill him when that moment came. However, as much as his anticipation made his heart pump faster, he also knew he couldn’t allow himself to be killed so easily and then he would have to do the inevitable. What he had forgot to calculate was his own growing attachment.

“Do you know why we do this?” He grabbed a calloused hand, the slender and long fingers gripping his own. “When at night, under a full moon, and you have your hands drenched in your opponent’s blood, your heart is beating excitedly as you have once more cheated death. Have you ever seen the colour the blood takes?” Turning their entwined hands, he stretched his fingers, bringing attention to the splash of colour on his nails. “We do what so many people find barbaric, and we do it because it’s all we know. We bring death and decay and we operate in the cloak of night, only the moon our companion. We are what no one wants to see. We are people’s death.” Using his free hand, he lifted Neji’s chin, kissing him briefly. “Do you understand now?”

Neji nodded, Itachi gazing back intently. “Go train. I have work to do here.”  

[-]

Shikamaru sobbed as he threw his head back, his eyes only seeing red. So much red all around, even the sky was a deep red, the colour of blood. His hands trembled around the nails that effectively imprisoned him against the wooden cross, the nerves to his fingers so very thoroughly severed that the use of any jutsu would be impossible. He had heard enough about the infamous Mangekyō Sharingan to know some of the details. But never in his life did he want to experience it.

“Do you understand why I am doing this?” his tormentor asked calmly, watching his captive lull his head forward. The young Jōnin, while pathetically weak in chakra-reserves, had certainly withstood the pain admirably well, many of his predecessors crying for a swift death at this point. In this world of black and red, Nara’s eyes locked with his own above a quivering chin, a feeble attempt at holding in the cries of pain as one more nail drove through his body, smoothly sliding through his thigh, breaking through bone, through flesh and muscle before piercing itself into the black wood, the burning sensation strangely familiar but none the less painful. At last, Shikamaru gave in, letting out a scream that echoed over the barren landscape.

Shikamaru’s head fell heavily, breathing in the desert-air, his lips burning and begging for a drop of water, his feeble attempts to wet them with their tongue only making them ache more with thirst. He knew the inner workings of the body and he had quickly seen what Itachi was planning to do. Try and extract as much information as he possibly could whilst slowly letting him bleed to death, the many small wounds like cracked glass burst at the centre, destroying the inner layer.

He didn’t want to die. He really didn’t, he realised, tears streaming down his cheeks, crying like he had when Asuma had died. He still needed to look after Kurenai and Asuma’s little boy. Still so many things he needed to do. Clenching his hands, he bellowed out a pained scream as the nails driven through skin and muscle made such a simple movement impossible.

“Stop,” a soft voice whispered in his ear. Neji’s hand clenched his shoulder, the boy himself not knowing why he wanted his protector to stop but his heart... Oh, his heart ached for this man’s pain.

_...And now it is time for the actors to take to the stage once more._

“Do not interfere. Do not avert your eyes. Watch what happens to him and most importantly, listen.”

Shikamaru felt sickened as he watched his friend, his comrade on friendly terms with one who did not deserve a friend or anything remotely attached to it. Why? How was he still alive? He had heard the news, had seen Neji’s fallen body. This was a trick, it could not be anything else!

“Neji, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be dead. You died fighting for the Leaf. What are you doing with him?” Shikamaru rambled, rapidly swallowing. Surely this was another illusion, brought to life to ruin him further and make his despair rise even more. This couldn’t be real. Just like his wounds weren’t, this whole godforsaken world wasn’t.

“I would never die for those traitors that killed my father,” Neji spat out, Itachi smiling pleased. At least for the moment, the veil was still hiding the terrible monster underneath. It was unforgiving that he as a trained shinobi would be so excited like a child to inch closer and closer to his own death, by something he himself had created.

Shikamaru blinked rapidly, trying to surpass the creeping darkness in his vision, swallowing rapidly in a desperate attempt to wet his parched tongue.

“Your father... He sacrificed himself for your uncle. Konohagakure was your home.”

“That wretched village was never my home, and don’t you dare speak about my father that way,” Neji hissed, stepping forward in full regalia, Itachi hiding his pleased smile behind his upturned hand as he saw the way the Konoha-nin –oh, how their standards had dropped- took in the Akatsuki-cloak, the painted nails but most importantly the hitai-ate proudly displaying his allegiance to no one just above fierce and glaring eyes.

“Do not take me for a fool. I have no home and I am proud of it. Never would I want to be associated with anyone who sacrifice their own so easily.”

Shikamaru wanted to laugh, he really did. Even now, the irony of Neji’s convinced tone, his utter belief that Akatsuki would not betray him, that he was safe there was bordering on humorous. He couldn’t though. He had spent enough time with Neji before to know how much he had struggled to find a place of his own in this world, even in his own family, had heard of his heroic sacrifice, then thinking how fitting it had been for Neji to die in such a matter, even if it was as sacrifice, it was very much by his own will and of his own choosing. He had defied his fate then and had been celebrated for it.

But what he saw now was what would have happened had Neji never found that will to make his own path, had he remained in that self-destructive bubble which would have ultimately destroyed him either way. Shikamaru didn’t want to see this. This was the true torture, the true pain which made his heart ache in unbridled agony.

“Neji, this isn’t how it was supposed to be. You have to believe me,” he wept, forcing himself to be truthful and vulnerable for once. After all, it became quite clear that this would be the end for him. There would be no help coming his way.

... And Neji saw the truth. Shikamaru heard the soft intake of breath, saw the elegant hand –Naruto had once teased how they could have belonged to a female- coming up and felt it cradling his cheek.

“Why do you keep insisting on these lies, even on the road to death? This is the time to come clean with yourself, to show Amaterasu-ōmikami that you deserve a place in her heavens. But I doubt she has room for filthy liars like you.” The soft hand that had cradled his cheek suddenly clapped harshly against his cheek, demeaning and harsh. Shikamaru clenched his jaws against the betrayal, breathing in a hiss.

“Neji-kun, finish it. He is useless to us.” He sounded so callous! Is that how he sounded when he sent people off, knowing there was a good chance they would not come back alive? Had he himself been so dismissive of another human being? Shikamaru lifted his head, determined to stare his own death straight in the eyes. No. He had never been callous. He had ensured that everyone would make it back, even if errors had been made followed by vengeful guilt. But he had always cared. Never could he be such a monster that wouldn’t even let the dead die in peace.

“Do it then. Follow his commands without doubt. Kill one of your own,” he challenged, not realising how sickening he looked with a bloodied smirk on his lips.

Neji snorted derisively at the words, clearly said to make him doubt and question but had this stupid nin truly not learned a thing after the extensive time they had spent in this hell. “You were never one of my own. You are far too weak for that. Remember that as I slowly and painfully kill you, revelling in your screams while you beg for death.”

Itachi quietly sat back, taking in the pure destruction the Konoha-nin suffered under the hands of his little project, his ears hearing every piercing scream, hearing them die down to small sobs and pleadings to make it stop and to just let him die. His attentive eyes couldn’t miss the slow revelation of bone and muscle, the many narrow tendons in the man’s body brought to the surface with such precise and cold sadism and so perfectly executed due to his Kekkei Genkai. He himself had never been one for such drawn-out deaths, preferring to kill his enemies in a few calculated moves, and normally Neji was much the same. But only a mention of Konohagakure had been enough to turn him into something so brutal. It wasn’t just about his father supposedly being an unwilling sacrifice. Neji’s vehemence with which he had denied the nin’s words had been a bit too enthusiastic.

It would be a matter of time before he would break.

“Neji.” Long hair shifted, revealing a pale face, his right-cheek streaked with blood, his lips set in a thin, straight line. His eyes were blazing with anger, even after the two hours or so he had been given to sate his temper. “Leave him be. Time to go.”

Itachi started walking, ready to dispel the illusion.

“Would you lie to me?” Turning, he saw Neji staring up at him like a child, eager for acknowledgement and reassurance.

“No, I would not.” Letting Neji catch up to him, he dispelled the illusion, smoothly plunging a kunai into the Konoha-nin’s heart, ignoring the last spark of life. “Time to go.”

. _..Take a bow. Go home and get ready to do it all over again tomorrow._


	4. Bottle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. /Infek

Groaning softly, Neji pushed himself up on his forearms, his long hair falling in his sleep-swollen eyes. He remembered a time when even a most strenuous workout could be resolved with a simple night’s sleep. But those days seemed like a lifetime ago as he couldn’t remember when he had last slept for more than three hours in a row. It was his own pride really. Many of his friends could see his exhaustion, almost barraging him with offers for help but Neji dismissed them all.

He crawled over to the side of the bed, finding his son crying, his eyes scrunched shut in hurt. Since his birth one months ago, he’d always had so much difficulty falling asleep, despite the vigorous teasing during his pregnancy that little Shin would have his father’s tendency to shut out the world and enjoy a nap.

Letting his arm dangle over the wooden railing, he found his son immediately grasping his finger, putting it to his mouth and falling silent as he recognised the smell of his papa. Carefully inching closer, Neji sat cross-legged on the bed, leaning his head on his arm as he used the fingers currently not being covered in spittle to stroke chubby cheeks and soft hair, ink-black like his father’s.

“Papa is here. There is no need to cry.” Shin hiccupped in response, opening eyes so similar to his own. Even during his pregnancy, Shikamaru had assured him many times over that under no circumstance would he allow anyone to put a seal on their son’s forehead, binding them to the Hyūga-clan until death took over the chains of slavery. But now, everything had changed.

[-]

Something about the constant beeping always lulled Shin to sleep easily. Perhaps it was a subconscious reaction to the heartbeat that steadily thumped in his ear in perfect rhythm with the heart-monitor but Neji wanted to ensure that at least this way, Shin would get used to the feel and sense of his father, placing him on his unconscious father’s chest, seeing him being pulled into sleep.

He sat cross-legged in the chair next to the bed, almost hearing that familiar voice complain about the poor state of the hospital-bed, that slight whine in that hoarse voice. It had taken them ages to find the one bed that adhered to all of Shikamaru’s high standards. It was also the one thing Shikamaru had really bothered himself with when moving in together. But Neji had made it clear that he wouldn’t escape so easily and they had fought, they had yelled at each other and slammed doors but they finally had a furnished house. Afterwards, both had been thoroughly embarrassed by the behaviour and consistently refused to comment on it although many people in Konoha still talked about the Great Moving Rift of Konohagakure.

He let his fingers graze over too-pale skin, covered in raised scars. Shikamaru would have laughed if he could see the large gash on his face, the similarity between him and his father only growing by the day. Settling his free hand on their son’s back, he put his head on the bed, resting it on Shikamaru’s side, comforted by the warmth.

A whole month of waiting and hoping and praying that he would wake up. The first week fearing if he would even be alive. Neji hated waiting and his patience had been sorely tested.

“Wake up,” he whispered silently, once, keeping his eyes closed. But no hand raised to stroke his hair, no sound was uttered from between two thin and pale lips.

[-]

Moving the handle of the stroller up and down softly, he listened absently to Tsunade, already knowing what she would say. No sign of improvement, no visible reactions. Dwindling chance of waking up. Their married life would be over before it even had time to begin.

“Neji, listen to me,” Tsunade suddenly bellowed, Neji turning accusing eyes at her as Shin of course woke up at her loud voice, his clenched fists coming up to his teary eyes. Neji lifted him in his arms, rocking him softly, whispering comforting words in his ear.

Tsunade tiredly rubbed circles on her temples, taking in her young subordinate with his infant son and a new husband who was lying unconscious in a hospital-bed, kept alive with machines and having a narrow chance of recovery.

“I’m sorry. But I need you to listen very carefully as what I am about to tell you is very bad. But you know it already. The chances that Shikamaru will survive this are... They are not good. And in the long term, you might have to consider your options.”

“I can’t do that. He can still get better,” Neji protested, all the while shaking his head.

Tsunade nodded sadly. “I know you think he can but the tests show otherwise.”

“Then your tests are wrong!” Neji now yelled. “I will not give up on him. He is my husband and he will come back to me and to our son.” Putting a crying Shin in the stroller, he strapped him in, probably too harshly but his hands were shaking so badly and he needed to get outside. Goddamnit, those stupid straps!

Hands kept artificially young covered his abruptly and he found green eyes locking with his, unflinching but with such care and compassion that he had to turn his head away.

“Go up on the roof. I will watch him for a bit.” Neji let his hands fall to his sides, watching Tsunade strap in his son gently. Once Shin was safely in his seat, he grabbed the handle, pushing their Hokage away.

“He’s my son. I have to take care of him.” Tsunade let him go, motioning an ANBU over.

“Make sure they get home safely,” she murmured.

[-]

God, he was tired... Eyelids feeling like lead, it took all he got to force himself to open them. He immediately regretted it as he was blinded by all the white attacking his vision. Fuck this, he was going back to sleep.

[-]

“He’s really perfect. Aren’t you, Shin-chan,” Yoshino said softly as she tickled the child she protectively cradled in her arms. Her first grandson. Possibly the only one she would ever have as she glanced up to the bed. It hurt to see her little boy, a man in his own right but her boy nonetheless, depending on machines to stay alive. Just married and a father to a child he had never even seen or held in his arms.

“Tsunade-sama... wanted to talk to me about what happens should he not recover.” The words were deceptively simple but their meaning made Yoshino stop breathing for a second. Neji was sitting on the bed, looking at his unconscious husband, cradling his hand between his own two. “I couldn’t-“ He abruptly stopped, leaning forward in a hurry, his face only a hair’s width from Shikamaru’s. And he saw brown eyes opening just a sliver.

“His eyes... He’s waking up,” he gasped. His hand grappled for the remote, pressing the emergency-button repeatedly. Yoshino came over, peering in closely.

“He’s awake,” she said with great difficulty, having to move back to her chair in fear of passing out, oblivious to the nurses and Tsunade herself storming into the room. But she heard that annoyed groan that as a mother had always angered her beyond belief. She couldn’t be happier to hear that sound.

[-]

“He always falls right asleep when he’s with you,” Neji smiled, rubbing their son’s raven head as Shin was calmly sucking on his pacifier whilst in the arms of his father. Shikamaru’s mouth-corners turned up slightly but he grabbed Neji’s wrist weakly. His recovery was going slow but steady, although not anywhere close to the point where he could leave the hospital and go home, unfortunately. Because the only thing consuming his mind whilst the rest of the hospital’s occupants was firmly asleep was the guilt gnawing away at him. The first two weeks he had been barely aware of anything around him, despite being awake and conscious.

“I’m sorry. I should have been here all along.” The words clearly surprised his husband, white eyes widening before a hand settled over his.

“Don’t you dare apologise. It never was and never will be your fault. You’re back and you will come home soon and that is all that matters now.” Shikamaru nodded shallowly, his smile widening but the tears in his eyes showing his regret regardless.

“Come here.” He motioned Neji to lie down next to him on the tiny bed, his husband for once doing as he was told. They didn’t talk once. But with their faces so close together, it was hard to miss anything. Neji pressed their lips together gently before laying his head on the thin pillow. And for the first time, Shikamaru felt the guilt dissipating, if even a little bit of it.

[-]

“Alright, Shikamaru, really focus now.” Sakura stood before him between the bars, guiding his movements carefully as her friend made his literal first steps towards recovery. Psychologically, it was a miracle at the minimal amount of memory-loss, but his physical state would take quite a bit longer. But with his son and husband sitting in the room, eagerly watching, it seemed he had all the motivation he needed. “You’re doing great, seriously.” Slowly, Shikamaru moved forward, the strain on him quite visible and sweat starting to form on his forehead. But he was doing just fine.

[-]

“See son, I know you look up to me and all that but you can become like me without the coma-part,” Shikaku smirked, motioning to the gash on his forehead, eerily similar to the one on his own face. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, you geezer,” his son only rebutted from his upright position on the bed as he had several scrolls spread out on the sheets. He had been desperate for some mental stimulation and his father had delivered, handing him some scrolls only a strategist could appreciate. Their future Hokage had turned up his lip at the sight of them and quickly handed the important information over to those who actually had the patience to make sense of them.

“What does it say here?” Shikamaru mumbled. Shikaku leaned forward, directing his son in the more complex notes, filling him in on all necessary information. This was just like when Shikamaru was a child and he himself was much younger, letting his undoubtedly intelligent son test his mental capacity with his father providing a guiding hand. His son was doing well again.

[-]

“Do I really have to be in a wheel chair?” Shikamaru complained. Before his hospital-stay, he would have loved the idea of being pushed around while he could take a nap but after such a long period of inactivity even he was desperate for some physical exercise. At least he would finally get some fresh air.

“Tsunade said you don’t get to argue. And I don’t think Neji would appreciate it if I get you home dead-tired,” Chji quipped happily, already pushing his best friend forward. After a total of no less than ten weeks in the hospital, Shikamaru would be back in his old house on the edge of the Nara-forest, he would run into him in his favourite cloud-gazing spots, now undoubtedly with his son along and they could frequent their regular barbecue-restaurant again.

But first things first. It was clear that Shikamaru for now wanted to do nothing more than go home and retake his part in his family of three, as it should be. He himself had proposed to bring Shikamaru home to Neji, who actually took him up on the offer. It was heart-warming to see Neji walking around Konoha again, meeting up with his friends and a smile on his charming face rather than make direct trips to and from hospital. It was as if all of Konoha had breathed a sigh of relief, the Nara-clan and all its members much-loved and everyone aware of the newborn who at one point might never have known his own father. And it was reflected in the many greetings and well-wishes Shikamaru received as they walked through the bustling streets.

Shikamaru took it all in stride but as a lifelong friend, Chōji could see the strain starting to form.

“You wanna get home, huh?”

“That obvious?” Shikamaru asked with a lopsided smirk as he turned his head to look behind him. Chōji glanced around him before placing his arms around his best friend.

“Don’t tell Tsunade-sama. She will skin me alive for this.” A chuckle before he formed the necessary hand-signs.

Shikamaru got up from his wheelchair, abandoning it on the porch.

“Alright, I’m gonna get home. Ino will probably have another weird craving by now.” Shikamaru nodded, slightly surprised when Chōji firmly embraced him. “It’s good to have you back, Shika.” Shikamaru nodded before his best friend disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Slowly walking over the porch to the back of the house, he grinned at the homely scene that greeted him, Neji still in just a T-shirt and boxers busy behind the stove while Shin sat in his high-chair, watching with wide eyes at his papa. Yeah, he finally got back to where he needed to be. Opening the back-door, he let himself in.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Neji almost screamed, before storming over.

“What are you doing home so soon? You weren’t supposed to come home for another h-mmph!”  Anything he might have added to that litany was easily forgotten as Shikamaru firmly kissed him. Only to be interrupted by Shin’s crying. Shikamaru regrettably stopped kissing his husband, his keen eyes noting the bottle of formula in the pot of water. Neji already picked Shin up, kissing his cheek softly before grabbing the bottle, wiping any excess drops off on a kitchen-towel.

“Let’s sit outside,” Shikamaru suggested. Neji could hardly fault him for it. It was a beautiful summer-day and the view from their backyard, overlooking the extensive Nara-lands would make even the greatest pessimist realise that certain vistas still had the potential to take your breath away.

Sitting down on the wooden bench, nestling in the soft cushions, Shikamaru let out a groan, Neji immediately fussing over him in worry but he only took their son in his arms.

“I want to give him his bottle.” Neji nodded, realising that it would be the first time Shikamaru would feed their three month old son.

“Of course.” He handed the bottle to his husband, settling in the bench and pulling up his legs. He took in a deep breath as he saw Shikamaru intensely focused on their son, the joy on his face hard to miss. All was well. Even if it had taken far too long. Resting his head on Shikamaru’s shoulder, he breathed freely and easily for the first time in months.

 


	5. Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. /Infek

Sunlight was streaming in through the windows, but barely awoke the occupant on the bed who was still firmly asleep, in feeble protest having moved his arm over his eyes, anything to cling to the last remnants of sleep.

Neji smiled as he saw it, his boyfriend never one to turn down the opportunity to sleep in a bit more. Calmly flipping the top-card over, he placed it in the desired position, his little game of patience advancing at a leisurely pace. Having awoken at the crack of dawn, cursing as he had once more forgotten to close the blinds, he had acquiesced and gotten up, however, still a bit reluctant to leave this comfort and had sat down cross-legged at the foot of their bed, grabbing a worn deck of cards he always kept in his night-stand. A perfect game for when he wanted to pass time.

Pushing his glasses further on his face, he spotted the many dust-particles floating in the air, falling on the many books stacked up against the walls, used tea-cups precariously balanced on the night-stand and the old but very comfortable leather chair in the corner buried under a mountain of clothes, both new and used. Curling up his nose, he sighed as he realised he would have to clean. Since moving in to their apartment, Neji had taken up quite a bit of Shikamaru’s habits it seemed. But it was a place of their own and you could feel and see it the moment you walked to the front-door. It was home and he loved it here. The old furniture which had history and gave warmth, the books they both collected with a passion littered all around the apartment, on every available surface, the dining-room table which was never used for eating but housed all their school-books, only two comfortable chairs at the long table forming the makeshift desk. But his place right here. That was what he loved most of all. Every night he laid down, Shikamaru right next to him, breathing steady and comforting.

Flipping another card, he let out a huff in annoyance as it was absolutely useless.

“Wha’time ‘sit?” Shikamaru’s eyes hadn’t even opened as he mumbled, the sound muffled in his pillow.

“It’s only six thirty. Go back to sleep,” Neji said calmly, stroking an uncovered and tanned leg lightly.

“Cards too loud.” At this, he laughed. It was so transparent.

“I doubt it very much.” Now, Shikamaru finally opened his eyes. Damn, but he got lucky. Smart and beautiful. The few friends they had still questioned just how the two of them fit together but they never got to see Neji like he saw him every morning in the privacy of their home, none of his usual distance designed specifically to keep others away, none of his cold demeanour. In the morning, Neji was warm, scorching even and every single time Shikamaru was more than willing to let his hands burn. He had refocused his attention on his game of patience, properly distracted.

Shikamaru leaped forward, grabbing two pale wrists and dragging Neji over his own body, cards flying out of his hands and they heard the steady drum of the deck tumbling down to the floor.

“I was winning.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not,” Neji accused, not at all placated by Shikamaru’s boyish grin.

“Come back to bed.”

“I never left it.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Do I?”

“I love you.” Neji as usual found his cheeks warming up, even after two years so unused to these tenderly spoken words, Shikamaru not hiding any affection in his usual uncaring timbre, letting it all pour out but only for him to hear.

“Come back to bed.” Nodding, Neji lay down under the covers again, sidling up next to his lover, his head finding a comforting spot on Shikamaru’s shoulder and he inhaled the smell of sandalwood and cigarette-smoke. He knew he wouldn’t catch any more sleep but he had patience.


	6. Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. /Infek
> 
> Plot by Cheysuli’s Bunny Challenge #313

Clenching the blankets, scrunching them in his fists until his knuckles bled white, the veins showing so clearly, Neji let out a hacking cough, all breath leaving him and his lungs hurting in his chest as if they would never draw in any more oxygen. He leaned forward, his clammy forehead resting on the mattress, closing his eyes and willing and praying that it would be over for now, Day after day wasted in bed, some days on the brink of unconsciousness as yet another high fever spiked, rendering him completely helpless, not even aware of hands placing cool rags on his forehead, cool hands trying to form some comfort. And then he would wake up, his two younger cousins smiling at him in some simple-minded way as if his victory to live to see at least one more day was the first step in winning a war. Another fever would make its ugly appearance soon, he knew. He detested them, detested this uselessness that had plagued him since he was born. Always sickly, always needing to be looked after. Never supposed to be born and merely a burden.

Despite Hiashi-sama’s most valiant efforts to keep him blissfully in the dark, he had heard the whispers, the servants doing a very poor job of hiding their opinion of him. Their touch always a bit harder when he needed their care, their eyes cold and unforgiving. He was an annoyance to them. Neji never uttered a word of protest since he couldn’t find it in himself to disagree.

Inhaling sharply, his lungs burned but at last he breathed a little easier. Even buried under his thick covers his dreadfully skinny body was shivering in cold but he was used to it. He glanced out the window, his red-rimmed eyes seeing the sun shining high. It was a beautiful sight. Stumbling onto his feet, having to sit down again as his mind spun so rapidly from the small lapse of vertigo, he tried again. Painstakingly slow, he made his way to the shōji, sliding it open and sinking to his knees on the bamboo hallway, nothing impeding the beautiful sight before his eyes. It had been ages he had been outside. Drawing the blanket closer over his body, he enjoyed a rare sight. Konoha was buzzing with activity around him, all pulling together to rebuild after the cruel attack by one that was called Orochimaru. He may have taken their Hokage’s life but he hadn’t taken Konohagakure’s spirit. He ached to be part of it.

[-]

Protesting the hands on his forehead, Neji tried to turn away but was unable to do so as strong hands held his body immobile.

“Calm down, Neji-kun.” He recognised that voice. “It’s Hiashi-sama. I know you remember me.” Trying to sound humorous, Hiashi knew he failed miserably. Day after day with a niggling worry in the back of his head, his nephew’s downtrodden fate never far from his thoughts. He had given up hope years ago that his deceased brother’s only child would ever find an escape from this nightmare and never-ending cycle of sickness. All the best healers in all of the Countries had seen to him, none able to provide any hope of relief, all deeming his body just too... weak. As one from the Hyūga-clan, a tribe priding itself on their iron determination, the words had been a defeat to hear for Hiashi. Even when Neji had just been born, he had been sick often and eerily quiet, causing his parents intense worry. And when Hizashi had been left to take care of Neji alone, nothing showed any room for improvement, if anything the bouts of fever intensifying in both strength and frequency.

To see his twin-brother say his farewells to his only child, a child too trapped in sickness to register his words had been heartbreaking and he had solemnly sworn that he would do anything he could to protect Neji. But this was no life. Neji was bound to this one room and with no expectation to ever leave it. The instances where his thoughts were clear and unhindered came rare now, his daughters trying to hide their grief but Neji wasn’t getting better. This sickness he had been born with was going to ruin him and soon it seemed.

“How is he?” His eldest daughter said softly. In everything she was frustratingly soft-spoken but now it didn’t bother Hiashi.

“He’s having another fever.” Hinata sat down on the other side of the bed, both staring at the occupant, fitful in his sleep and sweat drenching the sheets.

“He’s becoming fifteen soon...” Hinata whispered. Both were thinking the same thing but none dared to utter such ill-thought words. _It is a miracle he made it this far._

“Yes, he is.”

“We should do something for his birthday.”

Hiashi smiled. She may not be forceful but she was so very kind, his eldest daughter. “I think he would like that.” Hinata smiled at her father at his words, praise so rare from him but she knew he loved her.

[-]

“So both Kiba-san and Akamaru are doing well now?” Neji asked eagerly. Hinata laughed softly as she stroked his long hair, absently noting they needed to cut the ends soon. Her cousin was always aching to know of her life, wanting to know every little detail and living vicariously through her. 

“Yes, they’re both released from the hospital. Chōji-kun is also released. It was very sweet to see how relieved Shikamaru-san was.”

“Shikamaru-san?” Neji asked, turning his head slightly, Hinata used to the sight of his hollowed cheeks and feverish eyes.

“Yes, I told you he made Chūnin. He’s the only one. I don’t think he’s very happy about it.” Neji nodded, satisfied at this explanation and slightly embarrassed at the gentle reminder Hinata had told him this already. It became increasingly harder to remember things  and he hated it.

“Can you hand me the picture?” Hinata leaned over a bit, grabbing the picture-frame she had given her cousin, in it a picture containing all the members from her last year at the Academy. It was a striking representation of their personalities with Naruto at the absolute forefront, his orange jumpsuit making him pop out, Shikamaru lazily leaning against the wall and looking for all the world asleep, she herself with a furious blush on her cheeks as she had found her crush not a metre away from her. All of them were dear to her and to Neji as well. Always wanting to know about her fellow Genin, even whilst never having met them able to describe their personalities quite well and judge their characteristics.

“Our Team went to see Kiba-kun today and he showed us all the dogs their family have.” Hinata talked and talked, about everything and anyone that came to mind, enjoying this moment where Neji would hum, showing he was actually listening instead of having to do this to fill the painful silence in the room as her cousin was unconscious on the bed again.

Tapping his finger on the glass, Neji went over all of the names in his head. _Naruto. Loudmouth and Hinata’s crush. Sakura. Pink hair. Smart but a little bit ditzy. Ino. Very loud. Whines a lot. Parents have a flower-shop. Shikamaru. New Chūnin. Very smart. Very lazy._ All of their names passed in his head. He didn’t even know them but he wished he did.

[-]

“Happy birthday, Neji-kun.” Tears slipped down her cheeks as Neji didn’t even respond, too enthralled by yet another bout of fever. Another birthday had come and gone where her cousin wasn’t even aware of it. The celebrations transpiring just outside of the hospital, welcoming their new Godaime Hokage rose up the hospital-walls but Hinata was in no mood to partake.

[-]

“Stop it, Neji,” Hiashi chastised as his nephew fiddled with the nasal cannula. Neji gave a very weak glare in return but at least letting his hands drop on the bed. He was as pale as the starched sheets. The day before his birthday, a servant had come rushing towards him, warning him something was wrong and as he entered Neji’s room, he had found him on the bed, only the reddened white of his eyes visible as he grasped weakly at his chest, his breathing far too rapid. That first night in the hospital Hiashi had spent trying to feebly comfort his daughters as nurses and doctors worked on him, trying to get him away from the brink of death. They had managed at least somewhat. Truth be told, they had only lengthened the time until they would need to do so again.

“What did the doctors say?”

“They said you are doing really well.”

“But I can’t leave the hospital in the foreseeable future?” Neji’s large eyes, even in their family a bit unusual with their hint of lavender, stared at him , unflinching.

“They haven’t told us anything about you coming home, no.”

Neji didn’t respond, resting his head on the pillow as if he was suddenly too tired to keep it upright.

“I’m going to die here, aren’t I?”

Hiashi chose not to comment. Neji was fifteen years old now and he was far from stupid. He had long since realised he was living on borrowed time.

“Would you like anything from home?”

Neji blinked rapidly to stop the tears. It was final then. Since having the ability to think logically, he had become quite aware of his situation. But now that it seemed to be unavoidable, it hurt a lot more than he had expected.

[-]

“Oi, Hinata!” Kiba screamed loudly, completely ignoring that they were in a hospital. Having just gone to visit his sister who assured her little brother she would be “home very soon, banging his head against the wall”. A weird assurance but he took it regardless. Shikamaru was lazily walking next to him, hands shoved deep in his pockets and a very deep frown on his face, far more severe than his friends were used to. Another mission under his command where one of its members got injured. Kiba had dragged him along to the hospital so Hana could yell angrily at their deer-boy about how it wasn’t his fault and it was part of their lives as shinobi. They would pull him through this.

Kiba instantly became worried as he saw the tense expression on Hinata’s sweet face, usually always adorned with a cute blush or a tiny smile.

“Hello, Kiba-kun, Shikamaru-san. What are you doing here?” Hinata said, long since used to Kiba’s exuberance but always warmed by his honest expressions and how he wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Hinata, stop it with the honorific,” Shikamaru groaned, already teased enough about his promotion. Seemed he had made another miscalculation in just two days as he winced when Hinata’s eyes filled with tears. She covered her pale eyes with her hands as she started sobbing. Loudly. Everyone in the hall was looking at them but Kiba hurriedly led her towards a bench, setting her down and waiting for her to calm down, Shikamaru’s eyes darting around, at least knowing better than to walk off and complain about how troublesome how all of this was. Even if it was.

“I’m sorry. It’s not you, Shikamaru-san,” Hinata hiccupped.

“Is it Neji-san?” Seeing her nod made Kiba sigh heavily. His teammate had told him and Shino a bit about her cousin who was always so sick and even for someone like him, it was clear that she cared very much for him but it didn’t bode well that she was now in the hospital.

“You know what, how about Shikamaru and I come with you? I’m sure Neji-san would like to meet some new people,” he enthusiastically suggested, successfully making Hinata smile.

“Really? Because you don’t have to of course. I’m sure you and Shika-“

“Shikamaru would love to. Wouldn’t you?” _Don’t you dare disagree with me, deer-boy!_ Shikamaru sighed but shrugged then. Cloud-watching was out what with it being winter and otherwise he would have to go home and deal with his mother.

“Sure.”

 

Hearing a knock on his door, Neji called for the person to come in, already guessing who it was. Only Hinata knocked so timidly, very much copying the way in which she spoke. He smiled at his cousin as she peered her head in. He tilted his head sideways as she whispered something to another person before coming in.

“I met Kiba-kun and Shikamaru-san on the way here. Is it okay if they come in?” Now Neji’s interest was piqued. It would be the first time in his young life he would meet people outside of his family and caretakers. People he had imagined meeting, working with even if he had been born healthy. All these scenarios he had amused himself with when another day in bed passed.

Kiba didn’t even wait for permission but bounded in, all energy and fervour. It was great! Immediately he launched into a conversation, barely stopping to let Neji a word in but the smile on his face showed he didn’t mind very much.

Much like the shadows that favoured him, Shikamaru slipped into the room, settling into a seat opposite the bed and his eyes carefully taking in Hinata’s cousin. Everything about him screamed he was very sick, from the feverish red cheeks on a paper-white skin to his excruciatingly skinny body, his arms barely holding any strength. It was a miracle he was able to lift his arms.

“Hey, you didn’t even introduce yourself!” Kiba screamed at him.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes but bowed his head slightly. “Nara Shikamaru. And you are?”

“Hyūga Neji,” the boy smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.” Shikamaru inclined his head once more but left it at that. Kiba was much better to entertain someone with crazy and exaggerated stories. Much like Naruto, really. Shikamaru let his mind drift off, a bit perturbed when he saw the picture on the night-stand. Standing up, he walked over to it, lifting the picture closer to his face. There was the graduation-picture from the Academy.

“I-I gave it to Neji so he would know who I was talking about,” Hinata stammered in explanation. That’s when it clicked. Hinata had told them on the way here that her cousin always had been very sickly. Always meant probably always being kept inside, for protection and care. Never venturing outside and going to the park as a kid or going to school. Never risking your life to skip school and escape the wrath of Iruka-sensei, never feeling the sense of camaraderie that was steadily growing in their little group. Neji-san had had none of that, only able to listen to how others lived their lives. Probably the only explanation why he could stand Kiba’s relentless drone for ten whole minutes.

He could stand to be here for a bit longer.

 

“Ah, there you two are! I have been searching the entire village for you,” Kotetsu chided softly. “Inuzuka-kun, Hyūga-kun, Tsunade-hime wants to see you for a mission-briefing.” The two young Genin immediately nodded, standing up. Shikamaru watched Kotetsu leave hurriedly, probably spurred on by their new Hokage whose temper was already infamous.

“I’m sorry, Neji, but we have to go. Are you sure you are going to be alright?”

“Of course.” Such an obvious lie, at least to those who looked for it. Shikamaru could see Hinata saw through it, her mouth tightening minutely, her hands momentarily stilling.

She leaned forward, hugging Neji firmly. “I will come see you the moment I get back.” Neji nodded with a small smile.

“Be safe and you too, Inuzuka-san,” Neji said. Kiba smiled, nodding eagerly before leading his team-mate outside through the window, towards Hokage Tower.

Shikamaru’s ever perceptive eyes noted Neji tiredly sinking down into his pillows, even just half an hour of conversation too exhausting for him. He had installed himself easily into the only comfortable chair next to the bed, so quiet but Neji rolled over in his bed, careful of the many tubes and wires attached to his body.

“Are you always this quiet?” A hint of curiosity, Neji not quite ready to admit defeat. Shikamaru respected that.

“Pretty much. And lazy too. But Hinata probably told you that already,” Shikamaru drawled, a yawn punctuating his words.

“She did. And also how smart you are. Congratulations on your promotion,” Neji added hurriedly, remembering suddenly. It was waved away like an annoying fly.

“Leave it. It’s a complete drag. All this responsibility,” Shikamaru sighed. It seemed his yawn was infectious as Neji repeated the motion. “If you want me to leave, just say the word, okay?”

“No, this is nice. I don’t get to meet a lot of people. What’s your family like?”

Shikamaru smirked. “Crazy.” And he talked. He talked about his family, about his years in the Academy where he drove Iruka-sensei mad by only getting the scores necessary to pass, not one point more. He talked more than he probably ever had in one sitting, finding a captivated audience.

[-]

Even after knocking on the door several times, he still got no reply. Mentally debating on how to proceed next, he finally decided and opened the door regardless, sticking his head in and finding Neji awake but not nearly as enthusiastic as when he first had met him. Listless eyes settled on him before Neji rolled his head and looked up at the ceiling.

“Hey.” He had been visiting him for a month now, for some reason coming back again and again. He didn’t understand it himself but he did understand that he enjoyed his company. Neji could be quite witty, his little comments usually very on point and offering a refreshing outlook on things that to him had become very ordinary. It wouldn’t be the case today, it seemed.

“...Hi.” Resting his upturned arms on the bed, Shikamaru supported his head on his hands as he stared, willing Neji to talk. “The doctor examined me again. It’s only getting worse.”

“Isn’t this what you expected?” Neji turned his head to him, tears in his eyes.

“Yes. But now that it’s confirmed I don’t know... I’m just angry. I’m just laying here, wasting time like I’ve always done. Nothing and everything has changed.”

He wasn’t good with death. He wasn’t one to offer words of comfort and he cringed at the idea of having to deal with someone who was crying. But Shikamaru couldn’t just up and leave. He wasn’t that free of emotions.

And so he remained seated as he let Neji talk. Selfishly, he thought to himself that compared to Neji, he really had no right to complain so much about his own life.

[-]

“Shizune-san, I need to talk with Tsunade-hime about something.” Shizune looked at the young Chūnin before him, easily recognised as a Nara-clansman. Ah yes, the young prodigy, the only one of his year to be promoted.

“Is this about missions? Because you would be better off at the missions-offi-“

“It’s about a friend. And doctors told him he was dying. But if Tsunade-hime could see him, maybe she could help. Everyone says she is the best medic-nin in all the Countries.” Despite the rude interruption, Shizune easily forgave him as it was clear this was more a matter of the heart and in such cases, decorum was often easily sacrificed.

“Can you give me all your friend’s information? Then I can bring Tsunade-hime to the hospital so she can see if there’s anything that can be done.” Shikamaru eyed her sceptically, an inherent trait of all the members of his clan as it wasn’t quite a promise.

“Nara-kun, she may be the Godaime but first and foremost, she is a medic-nin, as you said. She won’t let one of the villagers so easily die.”

“It’s about Hyūga Neji. He’s currently in the hospital in room 313. His symptoms are recurring fevers which run so high he is sometimes unconscious, a lack of appetite, I suspect anaemia and respiratory problems as he sometimes has a very harsh cough which brings up mucus. Constant intense fatigue, bloodshot eyes. That is all what I could see but there probably is a lot more. The real problem is that he has always been like this, ever since he was born. He has basically never been healthy.” _Trust a Nara to provide such detailed information._

“Never?” Shikamaru shook his head and she saw the worry in his eyes. He obviously cared very much about the fate of his friend.

“I will make sure Tsunade-hime sees him today.” Shikamaru for once bowed deeply in appreciation.

“Thank you, Shizune-san.”

[-]

He groaned in pain as yet another blood-sample was taken. He didn’t know what was going on even but he had awoken from yet another bout of very intense fever to find himself being examined and prodded all over again. He had hoped all this would finally be over as he was certain that all the results would end up with the same conclusion; there was none. All they could determine that something was destroying his body from the inside, breaking it down until there would be nothing left. And he was coming to terms with that, no longer cursing his fate but accepting the path that lay before him.

“I’m sorry, Neji-kun but maybe we can finally determine what is making you so sick,” Tsunade mumbled, the apology very absent as she was slowly drawing blood in through the syringe. Three whole days she had been locked up in here, it seemed but she wouldn’t rest until she had found what was causing this young boy to die and hopefully, in time to cure it. She needed to trust that with her extensive experience, she could at least come up with something. Three long days had already proven her wrong but she must have overlooked something.

Carefully wiping the little wound clean, she put a band-aid over it, her patient moaning as he fell asleep. The times where he was awake shortened every time it seemed.

[-]

The microscope provided the only source of light in the lab as Tsunade carefully looked at the blood-sample. She turned the knob of the fine focus ever so slightly, perusing every square millimetre.

“Impossible...” Brusquely sitting upright, she called for the ANBU perched just outside the window. “Tell Hyūga Hiashi-san to come to his nephew’s hospital-room as fast as possible!” She flew out the door, sprinting towards her new patient’s room. It was his own chakra poisoning him, so easily overlooked as it was something she hadn’t even heard of, a thought which wouldn’t even have occurred if it hadn’t been for the odd behaviour in the blood-cells. Infused by chakra that wasn’t supposed to be there. Rather than having two separate circulatory systems, Neji had been born with two which at points must have interlinked, connected and poisoning him even whilst still being in the womb. Something which should never have happened.

She entered his room, Neji’s forehead drenched in sweat, his long hair matted to his nape and his eyes screwed shut in pain.

“Come on, Hiashi-san, where are you?” Tsunade whispered hurriedly. Wiping Neji’s forehead down with a damp cloth, she sat by him although cursing any minute that passed.

“What happened!? Is he-“ It wasn’t often you saw a clan-head of a prestigious clan in such a mess but Tsunade would laugh about it later. It was clear that he cared very much for his nephew.

“He’s alive. And I think I found it. It’s his Keirakukei. Rather than existing independently, it has fused with his blood-stream and his own chakra has been poisoning him all his life.” Hiashi-san gripped the window-sill, unable to believe this. Neji and he had already talked about how he wished to be buried, and where. Right next to his parents where he belonged. He had already said goodbye to his nephew, had done so every time he had to go home, fearing that every time it would be for real. But now their new Hokage claimed she had found a cure.

His arms were gripped and he was forced to look up in brown and determined eyes.

“I need you to block all his tenketsu, save the ones surrounding his heart. This way we can stop the  most of his chakra from poisoning him and it will give me time to find a more permanent cure.”

“Yes.” Hiashi inhaled deeply, mentally and physically preparing himself. He would need to be utmost careful since one single mistake would mean the difference between life and death. As a Hyūga-member, he knew perfectly which tenketsu would prove to be lethal and so he set to work, calming his mind and focusing on one tenketsu after another, rather than with an opponent striking forcefully, now gently creating a chakra-barrier in his nephew’s tenketsu, carefully avoiding those thirteen. The process took no less than two hours, Tsunade appreciating the miniscule movements since it gave far less room for mistakes.

“And now?” Hiashi asked as he stretched his hands carefully, his eyes firmly on his nephew’s closed ones.

“Now we wait.”

[-]

“Is Shikamaru-kun coming to visit you later?” Hinata asked, admittedly a little bit teasing. Her cousin turned his head away but he failed to hide the smile on his red lips. With every passing day, Tsunade came closer to a permanent cure, in the mean time her father carefully examining Neji to ensure no other tenketsu had reopened, sealing off those that had. He wasn’t quite there yet but he was alive and for the most part, healthy. Her father worried too much to let Neji outside for too long but Hinata would often find her cousin in the garden attached to his room, engrossed in a book or soaking in the sunlight. And more often than not finding a certain lazy shinobi sitting next to him. She had often thought to herself that if others could see the effort Shikamaru went through for her cousin, they wouldn’t so easily call him lazy. But it wasn’t for her to tell.

Neji seemed to be glowing these days, his long hair healthy and shining, his skin pale but thankfully having lost that sick hue and with a bit more weight on his slender frame. He looked fantastic. She blushed as suddenly, a lot more question-marks appeared around this friendship he had with Shikamaru.

“I have to leave now. I’ll see you soon, Neji.” Her cousin nodded, waving as she walked inside, ready for another mission.

Neji refocused on the book on his lip, sitting on the window-sill so still sort of obeying his uncle by not going outside. Even if the window was wide open.

“Yo.” Trust Shikamaru to forego protocol and just travel across the roofs to get to his room.

“Hi, Shikamaru. How was your mission?”

Shikamaru nodded. “Fine, fine. A success and no one got hurt.”

“Told you you would be a good team-leader,” Neji rebutted easily, from what he could gather finding that Shikamaru indeed showed all the signs with his sense of responsibility and duty, not to mention his highly tactical mind.

“Why aren’t you outside?” Neji winced slightly.

“I made the mistake of coughing at the breakfast-table.” That was all the answer Shikamaru needed as he was unfortunately quite familiar with Hiashi’s overbearing nature. He had even yelled at him on several occasions. It had been so troublesome...

“And so this is...?” Shikamaru flicked a finger at the wide-open window.

Now, Neji gave a cheeky grin. “A compromise. Technically, I’m still inside.” Trust Neji to be resourceful.

“So, anyway, I brought you something.” _Is Shikamaru blushing?_ Neji’s keen eyes noticed a suspicious amount of blood rising to his cheeks but decided to make no mention of it. The thought of getting a present took precedence over everything else.

“A present?”

Awkwardly scratching the back of his neck, Shikamaru launched into a well-rehearsed explanation. “Yeah, I was going to give it to you for your birthday but that is still months away and it’s troublesome to keep it for that long so, here.”

Neji blinked as a large and crudely wrapped present was shoved in his arms. It was stupid how his hands were actually shaking but this was fairly new to him. All his previous birthdays had either passed him by completely or he had been too sick regardless to get any enjoyment out of getting presents, despite his cousin’s best efforts to make the occasion memorable. Unwrapping it, he found a large blanket with a very odd print on it.

“No, you have to see the whole thing.” Shikamaru stepped inside his room without any qualms and grabbed the blanket, holding it up and showing Neji the entire picture on it. A forest with beautifully arched threes with rich green lush at the roots. “So you can be outside even when being outside.” Neji smiled widely, standing up and taking the blanket, wrapping it around his body. “Thank you, Shikamaru. I love it.”

His smile grew wider as the kiss he left on a warm cheek caused an even more furious blush.

 

Hiashi entered Neji’s room after knocking but getting no reply. Neji seemed to be firmly asleep and covered in something which certainly stood out in the otherwise fairly neutral room. This blanket seemed to be very much new but his nephew clenched it tightly around himself. His observant eyes noted the wonderful illusion of the forest. And the little deer hiding in the corner, just another part of the print but one with quite a bit of implication. It seemed he and Shikamaru-kun would need to have quite a chat about Neji and his future.

 


	7. Scary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing. /Infek

Barely able to believe his own eyes, Shikaku overlooked the battle-field where so many of his comrades, his very own son were fighting, trying to stave off the oncoming treat of Akatsuki. Their enemies were more powerful than any, including himself, could have foreseen. He was a man of logic and reason and while he still held the belief he could oversee all this and ensure that Konohagakure would survive, he would fail to do so for the lives of many he had sent out into the battlefield. So much death on the very first day and many more would follow in their single-minded footsteps. Screams were scattered around, filling the air with a desolation he had only experienced once more in his lifetime. Then he also had been worrying about his son, who had been a mere infant then. He had fought with everything he’d had, every attack fuelled by the thought that his son would live to experience his life and not have it brutally cut short.  

Intel came through, a never-ceasing crackle over the radio, some bits shouted, some said more calmly but always tinged with what he could only describe as an omen of death. He recognised it so easily and even after so many years of being faced with death, seeing shinobi writhing on the ground, pain the last thing they experience on this green earth, he had never found a better description for it. Perhaps every shinobi had his own, that tone of voice that only came when you knew there was no coming back and that you would not live to see another day. No peaceful death of old age, surrounded by your loved ones but out there, on a treacherous battle-field, the onslaught of enemies unstoppable and.

The radio kept up the incessant stream of noise, his subordinates spitting out information on their enemy as fast as they could collect it, every word punctuated with harsh breaths of exhaustion. There  was still determination to be found though. The Fire of Konohagakure was not one blown out so easily.

“-Yūga Neji is dead! I repeat, Hyūga Neji is dead. Obito and Madara are ready to unleash the Shinju!” He didn’t recognise the voice but the message made Shikaku sharply turn his head towards the radio.

 

_“You know this is wrong,” a soft voice murmured in his ear, although Neji didn’t make a single move to escape his grasp._

_It_ was _wrong. If anyone ever found out, they would be tried as criminals. One could overlook the mission-sex which sometimes occurred between members of a team but to continue such a dalliance when at home was nothing short of a crime._

_Shikaku sighed deeply. This boy- and he was a boy, even if he was eighteen, had lodged himself in his heart, carving out a nice little niche for himself and doing all that completely unintentionally. Always repeating that they should stop, that people would find out. The threat, real as it was, had done very little to stop the illicit meetings which only seemed to increase in frequency. Every time it became harder to untangle from his warm embrace –whoever said Neji was cold clearly never had seen him like he had the privilege of doing many times now, his eyes beautiful, lips curled up in a sated smile and his cheeks sporting a healthy blush, a clear testament of their more rigorous activities earlier. Leaning forward, he kissed him, gently coaxing him to respond and Neji did, moaning into his mouth._

_Tanned hands eagerly roamed that supple skin stretching over slender muscles, conveniently hiding their strength. He could find which buttons to push so easily he could do it with his eyes closed now and he did, over and over, revelling in the broken sound he managed to extract from his lover. Ever teasing, wanting to stretch this moment in time as far as he could, Shikaku caressed an inner thigh, Neji hurriedly pressing into the touch, his body curling but groaning in disappointment as the touch was only taken away._

_Shikaku opened his eyes, separating their moistened lips and staring at Neji, eyes half-lidded._

_“I love you.” The words had hung in the air long before this specific meeting. Neji only lifted his head, kissing him._

_“You shouldn’t.”_

_“I know.”_

 

Nothing could be done. He had sworn to do his duty and he would ensure his subordinates would follow in his footsteps.

“The Bijūdama is hitting long-distance targets!”

“We are its next target.” The realisation came easier than he had expected. Heh, he could have laughed. So far from the battle-field is where he would finally be confronted with his own mortality and his life’s inevitable demise.

“Well, Shikaku, what do we do?”

The answer came even easier. He would not fear death. But he would not let it be in vain either. He would die for what he believed in and what he had always tried to install in his son. One’s duty is continuous and doesn’t have downtime. He still remembered Shikamaru loudly complaining about that last part, the six-year old loudly griping that everyone deserved a day off. Lazy little thing he was then. Now out there, fighting as a proxy-commander and undoubtedly following in his footsteps after today as the Head Strategist in this godforsaken war. He couldn’t be more proud.

“Just keep doing what we must do. It will be our last act. Send me through to everyone in the battlefield.” His commanding voice didn’t leave room for discussion, the few people gathered here scrambling to follow his last commands, some looking far paler than usual, others trying to hide unshed tears in their eyes. Some were still so young and barely had had the chance to live their lives. Probably never felt the joy of marriage, the incomparable feeling of holding your firstborn in your arms and the sheer fright of realising that you were responsible for this tiny human and would need to guide them through to adulthood, even then always worrying and hoping they could achieve all they desired.

Neji had been young too but had always seemed older to him. Always so self-assured and determined to become stronger and overcome his own weaknesses. It  was probably what had drawn him to the young shinobi in the first place on that ridiculous mission the two of them had been sent out on. Mere B-rank as it was supposed to be about diplomacy but only finding an ambush waiting for them. Neither of them had come out unscathed but as blood pumped rapidly through their body, adrenaline creating an incomparable high, he had found his mission-partner in his light-coloured clothing, now speckled with blood and dirt, that pale skin slightly reddened after the extensive and brutal fight, he had found no protest as he dragged the young shinobi outside and proceeded to kiss him, stripping him off his clothing and doing things to him he had later felt the need to apologise for. Neji had only smiled and kissed him, never wavering in his confidence even as he lay underneath him, sweat clinging to his skin and his hair a tangled mess on the forest-floor.

It was never supposed to happen but it had returned to him a sparkle of vigour he had found himself lacking in the past few years. It had drawn him back again until he found he could no longer do without. Not once had they talked about the future, realising there was none for them. War had already been approaching and the chances of the two of them, both prominent in their own ways, surviving without being specifically targeted were slim to none. And now, as it turned out, both he and Neji would be another name added to the Memorial.

“I have a plan to stop the Bijūdama.” _Don’t let this be in vain. Don’t let the death of so many people be worthless in the end. And Yoshino... forgive me._

 


End file.
